Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
