I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
