Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
