He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
