put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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