U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
