PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
