why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
