It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
