OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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