i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
