my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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