Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
