Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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