well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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