We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
