who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She tied me up with her honor cords...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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