Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
