dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
