I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
