I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
