My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
