mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
