Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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