I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
