Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
