My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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