I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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