There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
