Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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