I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
