Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
