Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
