So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
