The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
