Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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