and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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