Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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