Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
