My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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