you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
