? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
