1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
