It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
