she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
