things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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