I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
