i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i love accidental penises.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
