just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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