May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
