I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
