I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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