My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
