I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
